We see them every day, pass by them and curse them out, oblivious to the fact that they are not there because of their own choosing. If they had an option, they would no doubt be anywhere but the roads. Fate screwed them over, so we have no right to turn our noses up at them.

But you can make a difference. You hold the key to making it all good again.

Spread the word, make a difference

Starting today, you can go out and adopt a pothole.

Why potholes?

Potholes are self sufficient. They do not need much and have a propensity to grow on their own. You do not need to feed them.

They don’t fall sick and can stand any and all sorts of weather. Rain or shine, potholes are going to be alright. No pothole ever coughed because of the dust. In fact, damn things eat it all up.

Take the first step, name your pothole, any pothole and when you get the chance, check on it once in a while.

Help spread the word, share your pothole name on twitter #myugandanpothole or facebook, or share this page/poster.

Adopt a pothole today, don’t let the government take this away from you too.

Uncle Agony dear,

I have this boyfriend and we have had a relationship for two years. I Iove him so much! I have never met him face to face as he lives so far away and we just text once a month or so. He sent me a snap and he is so handsome. Since receiving it I love him even more.

But now he has stopped sending me texts, and I am desperate. What must I do? I don’t want to lose him, as I love him so much! Please tell me how I can keep his love.

Unnamed

Unnamed dear,

What’s this? You fell deeply in love with some guy you’ve never even met just because he sent you a picture he probably got off the internet, then he stopped sending you texts and you’re just going to sit there and watch while he does this despicable thing to you?

Make him jealous. Get a picture of some other guy, take it out on a date and take pictures of you kissing and doing nasty things to that picture, then send him the pictures. That should rile him big time. Remove him from your Facebook friends even. I guarantee you he’ll send a text saying sorry and even start following you on Twitter.

Your bond will become stronger and nothing will come between you two ever again. Maybe just a bad internet connection.

In what many assume was just a matter of time, roads in a tiny third world country in Africa have been declared endangered species. The declaration, a long time coming, was made at the recently concluded demonstration over load shedding in Uganda.

“I was on my way to protest, I even had my flashlight to help me deal with the impromptu rain… then I fell into a pothole. If my neighbor hadn’t come to my rescue, I am almost certain I would have drowned. Our roads have truly become endangered” offered Jim “Mureefu” Kalyango, a 6ft 3” gentleman that has since developed a deeper appreciation for life.

The Work’s Ministry was not too keen on issuing a statement, however, Gerald Odokonyero, a ministry official who spoke on condition that his identity was kept anonymous, claimed that there was much celebration in the corridors of power.

“Me, I was here sitting in my cubicle in room 4 on the 1^st floor, Desk 3 when the news came in. All of a sudden, the official in charge started screaming out, ‘we are famous, we are famous’ and proceeded to call his friends in tour companies for them to offer tourists deals to the pothole capital of the world…”

Attempts to confirm these claims proved futile and a follow up call was met with the news that Mr. Odokonyero had been relieved of his duties under unclear circumstances that may or may not have involved disclosing sensitive information. This journalist has reason to believe that there may have been a leak.

Roads interviewed were mostly unsurprised, however, there were some inconsolable ones that were, to be honest, in a sad state.

“Kale we have been here, serving people. We shoulder massive loads, but what do we get? Scorn and infections. You can see I’m being eaten, can’t you? Does it look like I’m enjoying it…. Go away, I’m inconsolable. And when you write, tell them I was in a state of disrepair…”

It’s not all bad news… there are some that have taken the news with some hope and a smile.

“Those chaps need to stop complaining. We need homes…we need shelter… we need food,” a notorious pothole claimed.

“We are not the kind to be here and laugh at people’s misfortunes, but it’s always a good thing to feel that eyes are no longer on us. The attention is good sometimes, but it certainly feels nice to have the pressure taken off of us…” Offered Nanduttu’s delusional thighs.

It is not the first time that Uganda, has come under fire for failing to protect rights and previous submissions to the endangered species list from this third world country include Nanduttu’s vowels, Rock Music and Bad Black’s natural skin…and what’s left of her original breast.