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SACCOS in Uganda Should Emulate The UPDF’s Wazalendo

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The Wazalendo Sacco, the micro-finance institution for the Uganda Defence Forces (UPDF) is by far the most successful savings and credit cooperative society in Uganda. Having started nine years ago, Wazalendo has grown into a big commercial venture with a membership exceeding 70, 000 and an asset base of more than Ushs100b.

Its success in such a short time is amazing. With loans as the only income generating portfolio, Wazalendo has built a disciplined commercial empire that many financial institutions can learn from.

In Uganda the majority of Saccos have collapsed within two years of operations, mostly due to mismanagement and the failure by members to honour their debt commitments.
Member’s would either borrow money and utilise it for non commercial ventures which deplete the capital base and weaken liquidity flow. Transparency in many cases is not reflected meaning that the executive would work according to their rules instead of following the vision and mission including regulations stated while forming the Sacco.

Many Saccos were formed on social platforms such as villagers coming together. In such situations, Saccos were looked upon as institutions to offer rescue packages in cases for example when a member loses a relative, has a wedding or is ill.

Many did not put into consideration the fact that Saccos can become money generation ventures where an individual can save and invest as he/she plans for a project or venture to improve the quality of life. For instance in many village Saccos, a member would not qualify to benefit unless he/she has lost a relative, is sick or has had a misfortune. This benchmark meant that the Sacco was just a relief fund rather than an investment venture.

Many Saccos have since changed their outlook and are now encouraging members to utilise them as financial ventures where a member can save and borrow to access financing and start small businesses that earn some income for the family.

In Wazalendo members have built houses, land, set up gardens, paid school fees and improved their own education. At the same time they are able to get instant relief in case of emergencies such as death, sickness or a natural disaster.

It must be observed that even the general discipline has improved especially ifyo u asked your neighbour the last time you heard a UPDF soldier was involved in an armed robbery.
Instead it is among the civilians that the crime rate has increased. Cases of murder, robbery and theft have become normal. This can be attributed to diminishing options as the mostly jobless youth find that their options are limited and therefore resort to unethical behaviour as the only option.

In a country struggling to employ its expanding youth amid an increasing population, the government can do a lot to ensure that Saccos are revived and that they actually work.
The huge sums of money devoted to boosting security can be ploughed into boosting farming, industry and savings and credit cooperatives in a period when the country is peaceful. It is these three primary areas that will occupy a huge section of our population.

With the example of Wazalendo, the government can contract this Sacco to reach out to Ugandans and educate them on the benefits that accrue from such societies.
By using our own local model which has proven a success over the last nine years, surely Ugandans are most likely to pick up the idea as we struggle to reduce poverty in our midst.
To the UPDF we say “BRAVO”. There is a lot to learn from the UPDF Sacco.

How To Beat A Breathalyzer Test

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breathalyzer Test in Uganda

Every so often, the police get tired of sitting around eating simsim balls and listening to Kenny Rogers. Whenever this happens, they call Milton, the guy who keeps the company breathalyzers under lock and key, and they tell him to bring them out. They then stand by the road leading to your home to test your breath away.  Now if you are very patriotic and you know that the rising fuel prices and crazy dollar rate have made life hard for many Ugandans, the patriot in you will usually go to the bar to redistribute resources. Whenever there, you will order more and more beer, doing your part in trying to stabilize the economy. When done with serving the nation, you’ll feel the urge to drive home. You may run into aforementioned policemen.

They will flag down your car. It is not over till the fat lady burps. And when the police flag you down, she hasn’t burped.  There are several ways to beat the impending breathalyzer test.

  1. Get out of your car, rip off your shirt while screaming in Alcogo, that international language spoken by all people who’ve taken a certain amount of alcohol.

The screaming should disorient the popo. They are used to listening to Kenny Rogers and Peter Cetera. Screaming is not something they listen to a lot. That statement also confirms that the police do not listen to rock.

When you’ve used all the Alcogo  words you know  and your shirt is in shreds, get back into your car and speed off, leaving behind a confused police force. They will not follow you if you followed this tip to the letter.

2. You may have noticed that tip one was for guys. If you are a girl and already tried it, please post the results here. But if revealing your Victoria Secrets like that fwa, to the police doesn’t sound exciting, here’s the tip for you. When flagged down, slow to a stop and take a few seconds to whip all the contents of your Gabana purse onto your face. Roll down your window. Lean out. Watch the policeman approach. Say, “Praise the Lord brother Okello. I am going to an overnight at St. Percy’s Anointed Re-evangelical Kingdom Siesta (SPARKS).  The wine on my breath is altar wine. Or alter wine. Because it alters your state of mind. The epiphany it brings is like no other. The old you is gone, the new you is charged, fire-breathing and willing to tell all about the wonderful world we live in. Please join me brother.” You could say these things while leaning close to him, whispering into his ear, breaking your heavy breathing to nibble lightly on said ear…or you could stay seated, back upright and say the stuff like a news reader straining her eyes to see the teleprompter.

I don’t condone lying…so only use this phrase if you are indeed going to a club called SPARKS and you are going to take copious amount of alcohol, or alter wine if you will.

3. There’s the other option of stopping when flagged down and joining the queue to the breathalyzer. When it’s your turn, bite down hard on the thing and blow real fast, in rapid spurts. This is hard to illustrate by me sitting here at my keyboard typing. I’d need a YouTube video. But for purposes of illustration, when it’s your turn to do the breathalyzer test, imagine you are Eminem rapping but instead of letting out well-strung angry words, just blow air real fast, in rapid spurts into the test device. This technique will confuse the device and it will declare you sober. If this fails, you are going to jail to be molested. So don’t fail.

Your Job Is Evil. Quit!

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Your Job is Evil

What do you do for a living? [Ed: Whatever you do, don’t ever get pushed into believing this author actually gives a crap about anything in your life. He just thought that sentence up there would work as a cool intro to this article. Beware!]

It’s funny how many professions and positions of employment have an evil side that their occupants don’t even know about. Let’s sample dem:

Journalist:

  • A major building has collapsed in town
  • Oh my God yes! It’s pay day! Where?

Coffin seller (oldest one):

  • There was an accident
  • Finally! Where?
  • In Mabira. But they all survived
  • Oh c’mon!

Boda Boda:

  • Wow honey, you bought chicken? What are we celebrating?
  • Those of taxis are striking tomorrow

Teacher:

  • Did Katende pass?
  • Yes, he was promoted to P.7
  • Shit! Walayi I earned a lot of coaching money from that boy! Is there a way to…
  • No!

Police officer:

  • When is the next riot?
  • I don’t know. Besigye is not standing again. Why?
  • Man, some of us might be fired for being dormant and disorderly.

Speaking of…

We interrupt our broadcast to pass on a message to the teargas department of the government:

Gavumenti, this is to inform you that we shall also be striking at ULK. We shall get back to you with the exact day of the strike as soon as we find a reason.

Continuing…

Doctor:

  • Thanks for the advice, doc. I’ll make sure I don’t get sick again
  • What!
  • Your nurse gave me some really good health tips
  • Psst…nurse? Can I talk to you outside for a second? What the hell are you doing? Do you want to run me out of business?

U.N. employee:

  • What do you mean there are no more starving women and children in Africa? Check again! Hello? He hung up on me!
  • Well then find me some other miserable country to give free food and make the U.S. look good

Psychiatrist:

  • I feel dejected and all torn up inside, I want to commit suicide even…
  • Good. Good. That’s progress. Ah huh?
  • What? Hey, is that solitaire on your phone?!
  • Just keep talking

Advertiser:

  • This right here is the best product on the market
  • But that’s what the other guy said about his prod…
  • Hey am trying to make a living here. Will you cut me some slack? I’m paid to say it’s the best and if you’re really my best friend, you’ll believe me

IT guy:

  • Hey can we have a chat?
  • Am logging onto yahoo messenger now
  • No, I mean talk. I need your new address coz…
  • http colon forward slash…
  • No! What’s wrong with you?

Bartender:

  • I don’t want to get high. What’s the percentage of this?
  • Four thousand five hundred
  • What?
  • The money!

Public relations officer:

  • We support many community causes, social events…
  • Your company sucks!
  • …and make regular charity donations to…
  • When I call your customer care I can’t even go through! You suck!
  • …a number of disadvantaged groups…
  • I swear you suuuuuuck!
  • …all over the country. So as you see we are a caring company. Thank you.

And that’s all we have for you today. If your profession doesn’t appear, register your complaint with the nearest police station and our public relations guy will get back to you.

Chris Mubiru’s Sodomy Case Hearing Begins

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The hearing of a case against former Sports Club Villa manager Chris Mubiru kicked off in Kampala yesterday .The sessions are off camera and will give the suspect an opportunity to defend himself in privacy.

Yesterday, the trial magistrate at Buganda road court Lillian Buchan ordered the press people and members of the public to get out.

Mubiru is accused having sexual relations with one Emmanuel Nyanzi in December, 2009 at Mengo Kisingiri LC1 in Kampala ,which is against the order of nature, an act that is contrary to Section 145(a) of the Penal Code Act.
He denied the charges in February this year.

Africa Leads The World In The Number Of Women Starting Businesses

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It’s a woman’s world as African women lead the world in starting businesses, with almost equal levels of male and female entrepreneurs. In fact, in countries like Ghana, Nigeria and Zambia the women outnumber the men.

Overall, the continent has a much higher proportion of female entrepreneurs compared to other regions, with Nigeria and Zambia (both 40.7%) coming on top and countries like the United States (10.4%), the UK (5.5%), Norway (3.6%) and France (3.1%) lagging far behind.

Uganda coming in with 25/15 shared with Indonesia via the Global Entrepreneurship monitor 2013 Global report.

According to Herrington, the main reason for this is because women in Africa “need to earn an extra income” to be able to afford “to send their children to school.”

The report also says Uganda has most established business in Africa at 36.1% and 25.2% in TEA.

Property Site Lamudi Uganda Launches The #LamudiUGChallenge

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Lamudi Uganda announced the launch of the #LamudiUgandaChallenge that gives an opportunity to them to showcase and celebrate their 400,000 followers on social media.

The challenge which will be managed on social media as Lamudi is present there under LamudiUG on facebook, @LamudiUganda on Twitter and LamudiUganda Instagram will engage with the public on what Lamudi is all about .

“we want people to share their artistic interpretation and understanding of Lamudi. This is a conversation we’re hoping to have with our followers.”

Essentially Lamudi is all about real estate, it incorporates architectural design, décor and general landscaping. They hope to channel the artistic eye of Ugandans and call them to share their ‘views’ of Lamudi. This can be in the form of;

Photography; by taking pictures of a view within the criteria that speaks to them. To enter, snap, post and win.
Videography/vine, which can be employed to showcase life in motion. Vines are short, looped videos that would serve this exact purpose.
Poetry which is ultimately not the most obvious real estate appreciation medium but why not go for it? Maybe someone could write about how the architect of a particular building or a view of a particular landscape makes them feel.

This mean one to enter the competition they have to take a snap, record or put pen to paper; post whatever aligns them with the idea of Lamudi and stand a chance to win Ush. 300,000.

People who are to do any of the above will need to use the following hashtags on the different social media platforms #LamudiUGChallenge, #ThatLamudiFeeling or #LamudiWange on Facebook, Twitter or Instagram.

Lamudi Uganda’s country manager Shakib Nsubugu said,

“we’re growing as a company and we think this is the right time for us to engage our lamudi partners, both sellers & buyers. This is an opportunity for us to maximize and leverage the potential of the growing online social media platforms especially Facebook, Twitter & Instagram. This gives us the opportunity to get concrete feedback on what Ugandans feel about their surroundings in relation to what Lamudi offers as a service”

The public will choose their winners. The more people like, share, favorite or retweet a submission, the better because that will determine the ultimate monthly winner.

The ultimate prize is Ushs. 300,000 but weekly winners will take home choice prizes like t-shirts, caps. The winners will be announced on our social media pages at the end of every week and month.

Unreasonable East Africa Provides Unreasonable Advantages to Entrepreneurs

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Unreasonable East Africa that exists to give entrepreneurs tackling East Africa’s greatest challenges an advantage to be mentored by over 50 world class mentors -ranging from founders of 10 companies, of which three were IPO’d for between $700m and $1billion each- and connects them to capital sources and a global network of support at a 5-week boot camp.

This time the boot camp is going to be held in Kampala where they will engage with the Kampala community to get local supporters in the Kampala Ecosystem who will constantly engage with them and support them during the 5 weeks program.

The Uganda entrepreneurs for the Unreasonable 5 weeks mentorship include; Geel Enterprises that provides quality healthcare services by qualified healthcare personnel in a 24/7 hospital. Green Bio Energy that sells fuel efficient cook-stoves and carbonized biomass briquettes, a cheap and environmentally-friendly substitute to traditional charcoal.

KadAfrica that sells high-quality passion fruit seedlings bundled with agribusiness training, support, and bulk marketing to smallholder farmers, primarily women and girls, in Western Uganda. Jibu that empowers entrepreneurs to launch profitable businesses that sell affordable, clean water.

Telesat International that creates opportunities for self-employment through market-demand driven practical skills trainings. Village Energy Limited that assembles and distributes solar energy systems for households, small businesses and institutions in rural areas without electricity. Wana Energy Solutions that sells affordable gas cooking systems for homes and businesses, which come with delivery, installation, and safety training.

And other form East Africa include; Eco Fuels Kenya that produces and sells biofuel, organic fertilizer, and other products from the indigenously growing, otherwise underutilized Croton Nut. Grab A Book helps children in rural areas and slums improve their performance in school by establishing school libraries. I-Care Pads produces and sells high quality, reusable sanitary pads in Kenya.

Juabar creates small business opportunities in Tanzanian communities that lack electricity by leasing solar-powered charging kiosks to entrepreneurs and then supporting these entrepreneurs in their operations. AndSmart Life sells affordable, clean drinking water, along with wellness products (health, hygiene, nutrition) to low-income families through retail locations and a subscription service.

Police Arrests Man for Strangling Girlfriend to Death

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The Police have arrested Innocent Byarugaba (34) a resident of Gooma division in Mukono District for strangling his girlfriend to death on Saturday night.

Yvonne Ssali (37) was on Sunday discovered dead at her home in Gwafu, Gooma by her mother as she returned from Nsambya Hospital.

The deceased had been sharing a house with her mother and son for over 18 years. But on the fateful day, her mother had gone to visit a patient at Nsambya Hospital and the son is in boarding school.

The mother to the deceased told Police that on Saturday night, she talked to her daughter at around 10:00pm but when she returned the next day (Sunday) she found her dead inside the house.

After the area defense secretary informed the police of the murder, the scene was immediately visited by the scene of crime officers and the area police.
The Police have arrested Byarugaba, the boyfriend to the deceased as the lead suspect.

“The police have arrested him for interrogation and statement recording in connection to the case of murder under investigations,” Ms Polly Namaye, the deputy Police Public Relations Officer said.

On Monday, the Inspector General of Police, Gen Kale Kayihura visited the family of the deceased at their home at Gwafu cell to offer support in tracking down the assailants.

Meanwhile, the body of the deceased was taken to Mulago hospital for postmortem.

With UGX20,000 Win One Year Fuel From Shell Uganda

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Shell Uganda FuelSave launched a countrywide promotion that gives consumers a chance to win free Shell FuelSave Unleaded petrol and Shell FuelSave Diesel for up to one year.

For 20,000ugshs or more fuel fill up at any Shell Service Station, one gets a competition coupon with a unique code that they would send via text at 220ugshs to 6777 to enter the weekly draw. When one fills 100,000ugshs of fuel they are entitled to five coupons, customers can send several codes in one single SMS separated by a space and meeting the 140 character condition.

The promotion is intended to appreciate and reward customers for their loyalty and support in purchasing Shell branded fuels and lubricants as well as to give consumers the opportunity to experience the benefits of Shell FuelSave. Shell FuelSave is specially formulated to lubricate where engine oils are less effective and this helps the engine to turn more freely giving the customer smoother running on the road. The fuel economy benefit of Shell FuelSave Unleaded and Diesel is experienced at the very first tank fill.

The two-month promotion runs from 23rd June to end of August 2014 and will see 50 lucky customers win the grand prize of free fuel for up to one year. Customers will also win several instant prizes during the duration of the promotion. Customers can visit the nearest Shell Service Station with their coupon(s) and valid identification during the duration of the promotion to redeem their prizes.

Winners will only be contacted by telephone number 0776 777 778.

Vivo Energy Uganda is committed to meeting consumer needs through continuous innovation to improve product offering and giving customers economy benefit at no extra cost.

PLE: Celebrating The Worst Students

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UNEB Results

So we went looking for the worst performing students of 2012 to ask how they pulled it off. Here’s what happened in one of the villages.

  • Excuse me madam, can we please talk to your daughter?
  • Where are you from?
  • ULK.
  • Where?
  • ULK. It’s an NGO that helps people do things.
  • How?
  • It’s complicated.
  • What do you want from my daughter?
  • We were walking around looking for children who refused to pass P.7 and we saw many people from big newspapers entering your house to talk to her. So we thought we would also come and share some of her fame.
  • Oh, please come in. She’s in there watching TV.
  • Okay. Thank you madam. May The Almighty give you your 72 virgins when you die.

In the sitting room…

  • Excuse me, are you a famous musician like those of Museveni?
  • No!
  • Are you a famous actor like those of Bebe Cool?
  • No!
  • Are you Semakookiro’s mother?
  • Nooo! Why are you asking me all these questions?
  • Why are people coming here to talk to you with cameras?
  • Because I came out number one in PLE.
  • Oh. Just that? Anyway, congratulations on accomplishing such a tremendous step on a brittle road to the realization of your life goals.
  • Why are you using big words?
  • That’s how they talk to clever people. Okay, we’re leaving for us. All the best. Don’t listen to Lil Wayne and don’t get pregnant.
  • That’s all? You’re not going to ask me anything about my dreams in life like the others?
  • They have dreams in P.7? Where do you face when you’re sleeping?
  • Yes, I also have dreams. I want to become an engineer.
  • Have you done any course in mechanical engineering?
  • No!
  • Electrical engineering?
  • Nooo!!!
  • You’re going to start paying us for every second we waste standing here.
  • Mummmmmmyyyyyyyy!!!

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