Top 10 Awesome Places to Have a Wedding in Uganda

September 22, 2018

We know that many of you are recently engaged or planning to have that romantic proposal! This means that plans for your wedding are underway and you will be looking for a perfect locale to have to say I Do.

There are many exotic, remote, and breathtaking locales in Uganda where you can get hitched.

So below we have shortlisted a list of some of the coolest, romantic and faraway places to have your weddings in Uganda.

APOKA SAFARI LODGE

If you’ve dreamed of a perfect wedding ceremony in Uganda, but the regular locales aren’t exactly what you picture for the backdrop, you have got to check out Apoka Safari Lodge. A remote place – far away – blessed with a Magical landscape, planes dotted with wildlife, a swimming pool carved out of a rock and filled with golden green grasses punctuated with craggy, rocky outcrops. We can’t go over the charm plus uniqueness of the place and know your guests will be truly captivated by the romance of the setting.

THE HAVEN-JINJA

It should come as no surprise that the Haven made our list of the coolest venues. The location is absolutely beautiful and unique with the view of the stunning first waterfall of the River Nile, it’s a place that we dream about on the daily! The accommodations are unique and very comfortable, perfect for photo-ops. Whether you’re tying the knot or thinking of traveling to Uganda for destination celebration, One thing’s for sure: this place won’t disappoint!

RWAKOBO ROCK

We can’t imagine a more unique and amazing location to tie the knot than a real rock! Rwakobo rock is conveniently located in Lake Mburo National park, With breathtaking views over the Savannah. We love how the fact that you can have Zebra’s as your guests- can you imagine that!!
Surely a one of a kind experience for both of you!

BIRDNEST @ BUNYONYI RESORT

Nope, you’re eyes are not deceiving you! What a beauty! This list wouldn’t be complete without Birdnest being mentioned. It is conveniently nestled on a peninsula on the showers of the scenic crater Lake Bunyonyi in Kigezi, a town famously referred to by Winston Churchhill as the Switzerland of Africa. It’s both beautiful and serene and would make a perfect backdrop for couples who want an unforgettable wedding

WILD WATER LODGE

And the most breathtaking ceremony location? How about getting married at Wild Water Lodge overlooking one of the biggest rapids on the Mighty River Nile?!!!!. Wild Water Lodge is seriously an amazing as the photos.

NYORE HILLSIDE RETREAT

With a stunning panoromic view, Nyore Hillside Retreat provides a scenic backdrop for saying I Do. Since it’s claim to fame is the beautiful surroundings, huts on a hillside overlooking a cattle valley, any style of wedding will feel right at home at this amazing place. We’ve visited several times and can attest to the great, nice atmosphere, The place has lovely self-contained huts and the meals offered at Nyore Hillside retreat will rejuvenate any couple or guests!

Bahai Temple Kampala

There is nothing prettier than a parkland wedding + that’s why Bahai Temple in Kampala made our list. Talk about the interesting piece of Architecture.
Your guests will be blown away upon arrival! We can’t can’t get enough of this stunning place.

Ishasha Wilderness Camp

If your venue vision points to a wilderness camp, Ishaha wilderness camp should definitely be on your list. The place is positioned by a river and offers a great experience to indulge in wildlife.

Perfect place to say I Do!

Sipi River Lodge

Sipi River Lodge would make an amazing backdrop for your big day! Located in Kapchorwa, the Lodge sits on the foothills of the Mt. Elgon and their gardens are ideal for a beautiful wedding. The falls which you view from the garden make a magical backdrop, We’re personally obsessed with this location!

Kyaninga Lodge

With the majestic Rwenzori mountain’s and magical crater lakes as a backdrop, Kyaninga Lodge is a fantastic place to tie the knot. The food is excellent and eco-friendly lodges sit on an unbelievable location at the top of the hills.

8 Most Popular and Unique Ugandan Food

admin

September 20, 2018

You can never go hungry out of your cravings while in Uganda. Uganda has a variety of food specialties and drinks from Indian to Italian cuisines not forgetting our own local and fresh food from the garden. It’s very easy to get food and drinks anywhere in Uganda though mostly big international cuisine restaurants are in major towns. In our article we are discussing about the food and drink specialties to guide you and the possible places you are likely to visit.

Delicacies like grasshoppers are seasonal but sweet to the taste buds, they are not only insects but high in protein for our bodies. Grasshoppers are fried and served with a hot cup of coffee. When you visit in the month of November, don’t miss out on this delicacy.

1. Rolex

Relax! This is not a watch but some kind of a quick road side snack made of eggs, tomatoes rolled in a chapatti. It’s a good snack to recover from the morning hangover. Most restaurants now have it on their menu so you can place your order anywhere.

Taste your bud with the Ugandan local food commonly known as luwombo. If you want to feel fresh and moist food, visit the nearest restaurant and ask for Luwombo, you will be served with delight. Luwombo simply involves steamed food from plantain to sauce like chicken, fish, beef and ground nuts.

2. Cow hoof “mulokoni”

This sounds ridiculous but it’s worth a try. The cow hoof is boiled on the fire for a long time until it’s a soft and then served with food like matooke known as plantain, sweet potatoes, cassava or any other food of your taste. The rich cartilage inside the hoof is not only sweet but also high in calcium good for strengthening bones.

3. Fish

Uganda is the source of the biggest largest water body, lake victoria, therefore fish isn’t a problem but in plenty, how you want your fish served matters from the stew to fried, smoked, you will be served. Most restaurants local and of international cuisines serve fish and you will definitely get it. Other places include lake shore beaches where you will enjoy your deep fried fish from the lake while enjoying a cool breathe from the lake.

4. Millet Bread

This is a mixture of millet flour with cassava flour served with any stew like beef, chicken, beans. In western and northern Uganda, millet bread is a delicacy, its usually served with ‘’eshabwe’’ a mixture of cow ghee, rock salt and water then malkwang a mixture of greens and peanut sauce respectively.

5. Fruits and vegetables

Uganda is a land of fertile soils, you will find every fruit in plenty during the season for example mangoes, water melon, grapes, pineapples, apples to mention but a few. Visit Nakasero market in the heart of the city Centre make a choice of all your favorite fruits. For vegetarians you can visit places like café mebanas, café javas for the international servings.

6. Muchomo/ Barbeque

There are so many places to find meat with in Uganda, every major town and the outskirts of town you will find a spot for roasting meat. You can also have good BBQ serving at legends bar along lugogo bypass near forest mall and enjoy your piece of meat in all forms.

8. Coffee / Cocktails

Drinks that will soothe your thirst, coffee is served everywhere in Uganda, in all forms. Visit places like Gatto Matto, the sound cup, café javas and grab your cup of coffee. as well as cocktails you will visit mythos tavern and lounge for a glass of cocktail places, many Italian, Asian and Indian cuisines have the best cocktails in town.

The Ffene Series Part III: Cross-Species Heartbreak, Johanssens and being on-TV

Street Sider

September 17, 2018

There are many times when the only thing standing between you and peace of mind is this blank computer screen; wide as the Red Sea and unbargainable-with as an angry toddler.

All attempts to cajole or bribe the computer screen will come to nothing. The computer screen is blank, which is the problem, kind of like that day in P.3 when you came back from school knowing you did something messed up the previous night and expecting a righteous whopping only to be met by your mother with smiles at the doorway.

I am going to need a go between, some-one to carry my small letters at break time with my love offering of three pancakes folded in a greasy scrap of newspaper, I am going to need a huge boost of ffene magic.

ULK: Hullo Mrs. Mrs Kifenensi, you see the dilemma here? The experts call it writers block.

Mrs Kifenensi: I know writers block, he must be Samalie’s brother.

ULK: Who is Samalie?

Mrs Kifenensi: Some ka (*expletive*) who stole my horny toy-boy’s heart (and his groin along with it).

ULK: Oh you mean your bizarre cross generational cross species whatsoever from the ULK party last year?

Mrs Kifenensi: Ya! So trust me, I feel your pain, I know everything about losing mojo.

ULK: Don’t worry, you will be fine. Get well soon and drink lots of fluids. So before you tell us what you have been up to, why not introduce yourself to the new readers. I am sure you have noticed our stats have increased since the last time we talked.

Mrs Kifenensi: My name is Mrs. Immaculate Kifenensi; president of the Ffene National Entity. (FFNE) and part time life coach and self help consultant. Some people say I am a bit fleshy but I think fleshy is sexy especially if you are a fruit. My hobbies include long walks by the beach, the color yellow, and ripening on the weekend. You can contact me on ….

ULK: Whoa!! Ease up there… If you want to advertise yourself, feel free, ULK recently developed an ad engine for the site, (coming soon) In the meantime this is not a lonely hearts column. And what happened to your husband doesn’t he read ULK?

Mrs Kifenensi: He used to, until he ended up in some-one’s salad, the damn fool.

ULK: Very sad, so by means of changing the topic, (as we Ugandans do) how is work and what’s new?

Mrs Kifenensi: This and that. Mainly it’s the this, but occasionally one has to indulge in the that. You know whah me say?

ULK: Not really.

Mrs Kifenensi: Be in the class boss, you are being left behind.

ULK: How was Avengers? Did it live up to the hype?

Mrs Kifenensi: Eh! (Breaks out into the first smile of the day) that movie was awesome. That Scarlett girl really has a big Johanssen. Is that what they call camera tricks?

ULK: What did you think of the recent debacle when a state minister walked out of a TV interview?

Mrs Kifenensi: You know I think it reflects the current state of negative thinking in this country which we must struggle against by embracing the philosophy of Ffene. How do you let questions from a mere journalist transform you into a ka-bitch like that? If as you claim, you have no clue about what is happening, don’t be daunted; stand by your ignorance. Posterity will vindicate you.

ULK: You mentioned the philosophy of Ffene, care to share a bit more on that?

Mrs Kifenensi: It is the philosophy of natural color, vitamins and Bon Jovi type lyrics, basically being positive in a nut-case.

ULK: I think you mean nutshell.

Mrs Kifenensi: Believe me, after this Samalie episode, it’s going to be about being positive in a nut-case for a few months.

ULK: You will be fine, any last words?

Mrs Kifenensi: Stay positive, stay focused, Beera Mu Class, Kampala si Bizimbe and there is no Church in the Wild (alright alright …. No church in the wild… yeaaah). How is the bluudclat writer’s block by the way?

I think it’s gone now. Show the fans some love will you?

5 Unique Local Alcoholic Drinks of Uganda

admin

September 16, 2018

Waragi and wines

This is a local gin made out of Plantain and sorghum distilled through water and the steam makes the very strong drink locally known as “waragi”. It’s found in almost every local and standard bar as well as wines .visit places like Sheraton Kampala, the riders lounge, Brasserie wine bar and many others.

Malwa

Bwakwata (aka Local Brew)

FFENE SERIES Part2: UMEME, Bad Black and Phone Kinkinesses

Street Sider

September 10, 2018

Hello, Streetsider here.

When I set out to write this article. I had a mission and an object.

OBJECT: An article, 500 words approx.

MISSION: To write a Top Ten about the leading mental disorders on the market and pepper it with folksy anecdotes from a bizarre landscape where when you have gonorrhea you ACTUALLY pee fire…

Chyeck dis, Chyeck dis

…and some people in Lungujja eat their children.

…Its not that I don’t want per se, but really! Why did you have to call it putting food on the table?

That was the plan. But unfortunately…

The article wasn’t having it.

99 words. Blink.

102 words. Blink.

105 words. Blink.

Very obstinate some of these articles can be. So I left it alone and decided to give you the Ffene Series part 2!!! Enjoy yourselves.

(This is the Editor-In-Chief; ah… Mr Typer …GWE! You there with the disorganized fingers. Do be a sport and create a chi- italic thingie so I can sound like I am whispering …

Ah! Brilliant!

Now for those of our readers who are not familiar with the Ffene series. These are a series of interviews with Kampala’s leading vitamin and bright color activist, Mrs. Kifenensi, president of the Ffene National Entity. (FFNE)… Installment 1 can be read here.

She prefers to live a private and secluded life. (In case people eat her). But once in a while she will consent to share her views and feelings on various matters.)

ULK: Mrs Kifenensi, we know you hate the limelight, but we have to ask, were you at the ULK party? And if so… how was it?

Mrs Kifenensi: I was! It was ballistic. I had a good time. I even got a rub-a-dub from a horny youngster.
(Shows us a part along her side still raw from all the rub action)

ULK: We are glad to hear that you enjoyed your cross-generational cross -species rub- a- dub.

Mrs Kifenensi: Munnange ever since the husband was sliced up, it’s been a hard time. I get very lonely… (A waxy tear slides down her rough green face)

Mrs Kifenensi: Anyway I got the youngster’s number so… be assured, every four or five hours I call him up and we breathe heavily to each other on the phone for about twenty minutes. You won’t believe the rush it gives me.

ULK: Fascinating, fascinating. What are your thoughts on the Bad Black Fiasco.

Mrs Kifenensi: I feel first of all, that in this world branding is, if not everything, at least 69 percent. have you seen that picture of her You can’t call yourself Bad Black if your face looks like a head on collision between a bottle of Jik and a bar of Mekako Premium.

Bad Black

ULK: I believe when she said Bad Black, she was talking about her soul.

Mrs Kifenensi: True, you can’t bleach that. You know who deserves the name Bad Black? UMEME!

ULK: Indeed… What do you recommend?

Mrs Kifenensi: I would advise every citizen to purchase as much Jik as they can, then when the lights go out, pour it out in the air so as the bleach the darkness. It is the only solution I can think of.

ULK: You have evidently given this a lot of thought.

Mrs Kifenensi: Munnange, Nkooye UMEME sausage. Is this interview over? It’s almost midday. I need to go call that ka youngster and say say disturbing things. This ffene needs to get her pre-lunch groove on nahmsayin?

ULK: Oh sure, we can always continue some other time. Any last words for your fans?

Mrs Kifenensi: Stay positive. Stay focused. Keep it bright(despite UMEME sausage), keep it happy, keep it Ffene!!!

From ffene with love.

A Story About A Dude Who Could Not Say Hi To A Hot Babe

Hitch Hiker

July 27, 2018

I am at this famous Indian video library on William Street buying bootleg versions of Modern Family after such a long, hard and hectic day. I am testing it in the DVD player to make sure it is not something else when this blindingly hot chic, i repeat, blindingly hot chic enters and all the bu-video boys rush to tend to her needs( God!! in that moment, i wish i was one of them!!).

But as a sensible adult male, i maintain a cool detachment, give her one more glance and go back to testing my DVDs.

My mind however has not received the cool detachment memo, it tells me, “You freaking coward, get over there, say something cool and ask for her number, this is an exquisite vessel for the birth of your progeny. Do not let the male race down!!”

Me: Okay okay, relax I know what I am doing. I am descendant of Adam who has, through millennia of evolution has developed the tactics to approach a woman and blow her away with my “game”.

Mind: That’s what you keep telling yourself, I have not seen you blow away any lady lately, in fact the only blowing I know of is as you pass gas whenever a hot chic approaches.

Me: hey, that was just one time, let it go!!!

Mind: We will not argue about your competence or lack thereof regarding matters of the fairer sex, let us get back to the task at hand. Go and talk to blindingly hot chic.

Me: I am pondering about employing the blitzkrieg or undercover maneuvers of approach. What do you think?

Mind: what are you jabbering on about?

Me: Are you even my mind? Aren`t you automatically supposed to know what I mean, anyway what I mean is that, should I just walk over and ambush her with my awesomeness or should I pose like these video boys?

Mind: How about you just go, if you can move your feet that is…

Me: I do not appreciate your sarcasm. Okay, I am now going in.

Mind: I don’t see you moving and are you employing the sweating maneuver? Because your armpits are leaking faster that a torpedoed submarine. Tell me, do you intend to overwhelm her with your kavubuka?

Me: Shut up, and let me do my thing.

As I approach her, I cannot choose what to say, hi? hey? Hello? ki? whats up? Excuse me?

And while i ponder endlessly about the right choice of words she’s gone and now consigned to the shadows of my memory.

Mind: *sigh* your mother isn’t getting any grand kids, is she?

What Higher Gas Prices Do to the Economy

Mikey Makukuba

June 25, 2018

Migrants and refugees flooding into Europe have presented European leaders and policymakers with their greatest challenge since the debt crisis. The International Organization for Migration calls Europe the most dangerous destination for irregular migration in the world, and the Mediterranean the world’s most dangerous border crossing.

Distinguishing migrants from asylum seekers and refugees is not always a clear-cut process, yet it is a crucial designation because these groups are entitled to different levels of assistance and protection under international law.

An asylum seeker is defined as a person fleeing persecution or conflict, and therefore seeking international protection under the 1951 Refugee Convention on the Status of Refugees; a refugee is an asylum seeker whose claim has been approved. However, the UN considers migrants fleeing war or persecution to be refugees, even before they officially receive asylum. (Syrian and Eritrean nationals, for example, enjoy prima facie refugee status.) An economic migrant, by contrast, is a person whose primary motivation for leaving his or her home country is economic gain. The term migrant is seen as an umbrella term for all three groups. Said another way: all refugees are migrants, but not all migrants are refugees.

Both the burden and the sharing are in the eye of the beholder. I don’t know if any EU country will ever find the equity that is being sought

Migrant detention centers across the continent, including in France, Greece, and Italy have all invited charges of abuse and neglect over the years. Many rights groups contend that a number of these detention centers violate Article III (PDF) of the European Convention on Human Rights, which prohibits inhuman or degrading treatment.

In contrast, migrants in the richer north and west find comparatively well-run asylum centers and generous resettlement policies. But these harder-to-reach countries often cater to migrants who have the wherewithal to navigate entry-point states with safe air passage with the assistance of smugglers.

These countries still remain inaccessible to many migrants seeking international protection. As with the sovereign debt crisis, national interests have consistently trumped a common European response to this migrant influx.

Some experts say the block’s increasingly polarized political climate, in which many nationalist, anti-immigrant parties are gaining traction, is partially to blame for the muted humanitarian response from some states. France and Denmark have also cited security concerns as justification for their reluctance in accepting migrants from the Middle East and North Africa, particularly in the wake of the Paris and Copenhagen terrorist shootings.

The backdrop is the difficulty that many European countries have in integrating minorities into the social mainstream”

Underscoring this point, leaders of eastern European states like Hungary, Poland, Slovakia, and the Czech Republic have all recently expressed a strong preference for non-Muslim migrants. In August 2015, Slovakia announced that it would only accept Christian refugees from Syria. While selecting migrants based on religion is in clear violation of the EU’s non-discrimination laws, these leaders have defended their policies by pointing to their own constituencies’ discomfort with growing Muslim communities.

The recent economic crisis has also spurred a demographic shift across the continent, with citizens of crisis-hit member states migrating to the north and west in record numbers in search of work. Some experts say Germany and Sweden’s open immigration policies also make economic sense, given Europe’s demographic trajectory (PDF) of declining birth rates and aging populations. Migrants, they argue, could boost Europe’s economies as workers, taxpayers, and consumers, and help shore up its famed social safety nets.

In August 2015, Germany announced that it was suspending Dublin for Syrian asylum seekers, which effectively stopped deportations of Syrians back to their European country of entry. This move by the block’s largest and wealthiest member country was seen as an important gesture of solidarity with entry-point states. However, German Chancellor Angela Merkel also warned that the future of Schengen was at risk unless all EU member states did their part to find a more equitable distribution of migrants.

Germany reinstated temporary border controls along its border with Austria in September 2015, after receiving an estimated forty thousand migrants over one weekend. Implemented on the eve of an emergency migration summit, this move was seen by many experts as a signal to other member states about the pressing need for an EU-wide quota system. Austria, the Netherlands, and Slovakia soon followed with their own border controls. These developments have been called the greatest blow to Schengen in its twenty-year existence.

In September 2015, the European Commission President Jean-Claude Juncker announced plans to revisit a migrant quota system for the block’s twenty-two participating members.

Some policymakers have called for asylum centers to be built in North Africa and the Middle East to enable refugees to apply for asylum without undertaking perilous journeys across the Mediterranean, as well as to cut down on the number of irregular migrants arriving on European shores. However, critics of this plan argue that the sheer number of applicants expected at such hot spots could further destabilize already fragile states.

Other policies floated by the European Commission include drawing up a common safe-countries list that would help countries expedite asylum applications and, where needed, deportations. Most vulnerable to this procedural change are migrants from the Balkans, which lodged 40 percent of the total asylum applications received by Germany in the first six months of 2015. However, some human rights groups have questioned the methodology used by several countries in drawing up these lists and, more critically, cautioned that such lists could violate asylum seekers’ rights.

How To Win in Dates in 12 Steps

admin

June 14, 2018

This week’s post is brought to you by The Haven Restaurant, Ntinda. In fact it is so brought to you by the Haven Restaurant, Ntinda that is actually brought from there. As in I am sitting there right now as I type this. Spot. Here’s a picture.

How could you ever doubt me?

What is this Haven? It’s only the prettiest restaurant/ cafe in Eastern Kampala. This place is so cute, that if you take a babe there on a coffee date, she will, and I have seen it happen before with my own eyes, she will be 50 percent vibed before you even sit down.

As a matter of fact, that’s one of the points we have to discuss in this weeks revealing and educational post, so let’s get started with the Urrban Legend How To Guide. 12 Steps to Sucess in Absolutely Anything. Today, How To Not Suck On A Coffee Date!

1. Be Sober. There’s nothing particularly dangerous about being drunk on a date. If the people you are dating is also drunk. But here, you will be across the room from a sober person. Being blazed? Not a good look, son.

2. Show some chivalry. Now, this doesn’t work in a kafunda, or a nightclub or a bar. Because chivalry in those places means having a fight on her behalf when some lout thinks he is Golola Moses. I don’t advise this. You think you are fighting to protect her honour? How much honour is protected when she is known from that point on as the chick of the guy who got meleed at Guvnor?

That’s why I like coffee shops. People don’t fight at coffee shops. People don’t even get mad here. It’s too calm. You can’t even type out a shell on facebook when you are here. I used to come here when Twakoowa was hot. I think that’s when I left Twakoowa. Back to the issue.

3. Chivalry. Since you have suggested that you have class by bringing her to a coffee shop, confirm it by pulling out her seat. This is a cool, chivalrous thing to do. You will be like Hugh Grant and Colin Firth and all those stuttering Brits that women like.

4. If you pull out the chair and she doesn’t sit on it, and insted she goes and sits on another seat, don’t worry. It just means you got a local chick who doesn’t know these things. Don’t worry. Proceed with the date.

5. Conversation. Now, a lot of dating advice columnists will tell you to just be yourself. No, not if you suck. Be somebody else. I would suggest somebody cooler than you. Somebody charming. Have you ever heard of Ted Moseby?

6. If you do not know who that is, you are doing reeeeally badly. I suggest you abandon the date right there, leave her, and find a way to cross the time space continuum so you can join us in the 21st Century.

7. He’s a character in the sitcom How I Met Your Mother. Kyokka Ugandans. UMEME gives you all this electricity and you can’t even use it to watch constructive educationsl DVDs? Instead you play Lady Gaga mp3s. KTM too much.

8. How I Met Your Mother is about this guy and his myriad romantic adventures, a man who flits from date to date in pursuit of the love of his life, who gets to mother his children. He is a lousy New York scrub who just dates a lot. Episode after episode.

9. This makes him the MASTER of coffee shop dates. He is a coffee shop date ninja masta. He is so sleek at it, that he regularly vibes chicks without them even knowing.

That’s why they call the show How I Met Your Mother. The man has two kids, and yet, even after eight seasons, even he doesn’t know where he got them. He just knows that somewhere, somehow, he vibed a chick into giving him kids. Twice.

10. Memorise his speeches, learn to mimic his facial expressions. Study Ted, Learn Ted. Be Ted.

11. Meet your date in a nice coffee shop. Having memorised all Ted’s scripts from eight seasons, answer every thing she says with the Ted speech that will fit.

12. Take her to your parents, marry her, have kids. Maximum three. Tukooye population explosion sausage.

Monday Massacres: How To Be An Amazing MP

Erique

May 10, 2018

Here at Urban Legend Kampala’s plush, air-conditioned offices, we aim to guide you to achieve your dreams. We know you have aspirations. We do research and give you facts and figures on how to get there. Today we bring you the top ten things you need to do to become a Member of Parliament (MP). We know you want to earn from sleeping at work and only waking up to shout hoarse, incorrigible sheet into the microphone of a puzzled, scared reporter.

1. 1. Develop a crazy love for oversized suits. If it is two or more sizes too large, that’s the perfect suit.
  2. Practice saying dumb stuff. Watch your baby speak, repeat after them. Watch movies or series in foreign languages, repeat after them. Go for mass, learn a few phrases in Latin. Repeat them. Practice in front of a mirror every so often to boost your confidence. Repeat after me…
  3. Sleep. Anywhere. Everywhere. At dinner. In parliament. The world is your bed. Without the mistress. Or the mattress. Or the bugs. Or the stained sheets
  4. Pick up an accent from any region of the country; anyone with a foreign accent need not apply. Say ‘the’ as ‘De’, say ‘road’ as ‘load’, ‘that’ as ‘dat’,pronounce every letter in ‘often’COMMERCIAL BREAK. Giving time to real MPs to catch up since they read slow. END BREAK
  5. De accent in place, unlearn everything you know about English. Get the language and do nasty things to it. Bend it over. Tell it you are its daddy.Learn to say things like “De main reeson parlyament is nont makingi a deecision…”“Dey are making noise like de mosqwitoes…”
  6. Money. Scratch a dime out of everything. Be on every committee since you get an allowance for being there. Carry all the extra snacks home in your oversize suit
  7. Interrupt all conversations or speeches with the words ”Mista speaker sir, is it in oda dat.. ”Shoot your hand up while doing this. Anywhere. At a graduation party. At a wedding. In the cafeteria
  8. Learn to live on 25k (USD 10) a month since all the other money you make will be lost to bank loans
  9. If you intend to be in the opposition, learn to criticize the government for everything. Blame everything on them.
    It’s raining in Kampala. ”See what I told you about government? We need to investigate why dey let it rain here when deya is no rain in de Nors” . If you plan to be in the ruling party, learn to kiss ass and support errthing NRM. “Dat MP pulled down his pants and flashed his butt cheeks on TV because it is his right as a member of NRM. Freedom of expression. As NRM, we brought Uganda peace so people can do that…”
  10. Find ways of not being shy to whip out your shlong and pee on a policeman

Angella Katatumba Keeps It All Going

admin

April 23, 2018

Angella Katatumba is a fixture on Kampala’s entertainment scene. Though she might not be as flashy or notorious as many other musicians and celebrities she has found a way to remain relevant as times change – which makes her difficult to forget.

For Katatumba, being well-known as a musician on the Kampala scene is not the most important thing. For about a decade, the sultry-voiced musician has set her own standards. Apart from being known as a rhythm and blues musician Katatumba was made a name for herself back in 2005 when she went beyond the media lights and was outted in newspapers as being – a philanthropist.

In 2007, Katatumba teamed up with another Kampala musician, Halima Namakula, to support needy children in northern Uganda. She even penned a song, For You Gulu, to go with the campaign. “I would love to see my music inspiring, motivating and educating my fans,” she says. “I want to influence them positively and leave a great mark that will last for generations to come.”

For her, she makes no real distinction between her fans. She admits that for a while, she thought her music appealed to a certain class of listeners because she sings mainly in English while many musicians in Kampala sing in the local Luganda. Then, she realized that her listeners range from corporate to working class; from students to housemaids. “My fans were mainly corporates, I thought. But every day I am pleasantly surprised by my fan base on Facebook and when I go out to different places.”

Katatumba started singing professionally in 2000 as the lead singer in a live band. They had gigs at a place called Ponana’s on Cornmarket Street in Oxford in the United Kingdom. In Uganda, she started out by recording the songs she had done professionally in 2005.

While not singing she’s also a hotel manager, formidable businesswoman and continues her philanthropy. “Away from music I get quite busy running my NGO, the Angella Katatumba Development Foundation,” she says. The NGO has two main projects, the ‘For You Gulu Project’ and the ‘Let’s Go Green Campaign’. Also, as the Managing Director of Hotel Diplomate, she is involved in the daily running of the hotel.

The humanitarian efforts have been getting media attention for some time now. With the For You Gulu project, she collects money and anything in kind and ships it to those who need it in northern Uganda. “I am constantly campaigning for the rebuilding of the war torn north’s schools,” she explains. “I keep on reminding people that as much as the war in the north is over, there is still a lot of work that needs to be done to rebuild the area and its traumatised people. The collection point is Hotel Diplomate in Muyenga.”

The Let’s Go Green Campaign focuses here in Kampala. “Recently, I was in Kakajjo Slums in Old Kampala where I partnered with Kampala Pharmaceutical Industries to treat over 1,000 people and to also plant NEEM trees that help prevent malaria that is rampant in slums,” she goes on.

She is always available for a gig, she says and is busy preparing for her music release but she is always on standby, a phone-call away for a performance. The last song Katatumba released is Supernatural Girl, a song she wrote based on a past relationship she had in the United States when she was a student. That relationship, she says, almost destroyed her but she found the strength to survive.

She says she is working on a new song and that will be the main programme for her for the next three months. “If I am organising a trip to deliver collected items to Northern Uganda or to the schools and communities to plant trees, then that is what I will focus on for that month.”

Katatumba’s fans can find her music at Petro Uganda on Parliament Avenue, at Hotel Diplomate on Youtube and Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Angella-Katatumba/115250928507505?ref=ts&fref=ts. Or you can hear her music on ReverbNation: http://www.reverbnation.com/play_now/15913493.

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