Usually right now you would be looking at an on-the-scene review of the hot happening event of the weekend which, in this case would be Saturday’s Nawuliranga concert by Navio and others. But the thing is, none of us went. I don’t know what excuses Sleek, Streets, Erique and Ivan have, but me bambi I had to stay home and feed my baby child, so I couldn’t go. I tried to leave, but the ridiculous little bastard wouldn’t let me. I told him I will feed him next week, but he just started crying and the neighbours started threatening me, saying if I don’t make the noise stop they will kill me dead. In the end, I had no choice to but to spend the night burgling houses in the area, raiding the milk and beer out of their fridges and delivering it to the ki brat.

The milk was for the baby. The beer was for me. I didn’t feed my kid beer. Shya, what kind of father do you think I am.

So that’s why I was not at Nawuliranga. But I did hear things about it. I was told, for example, that the following did not occur.

• Navio and Klear Kut did not perform a localized version of NWA’s F*** the Police. This was a welcome move, considering that we here at ULK have recently instituted a new policy banning the use of that word. If you would like to see the word return to the site, please say so in the comments section below. See? I thought so.
• No hot, skimpily-clad dancing girl found herself pregnant, having had her ovaries spontaneously fertilized by nothing but the combined force of all the lustful glares from the hordes of drooling teenage hip hop fans in the audience.
• Navio did not throw monopoly money into the crowd, causing a stampede as not only the members of the audience, but also the band, the technicians and security staff dove for the fluttering leaves of what they thought were two-K notes.

Somebody say “Ooooooo!”

The following, however, DID happen, according to reliable sources, such as Eunice El Fuego from Facebook. There was a special appearance by legendary newsreader/snake-handler Bbale Francis.

According to her comment on FB:

“There we were waiting for Navio to come out, and on the fairly large screen R.Kelly appears saying something abt Nav. It was aight… THE CROWD ROARED….”

(We interrupt Eunice El Fuego here to issue a statement. The management and staff of Urban Legend Kampala wish to inform the readers that we had no idea R. Kelly was going to be in this story and regret any inconveniences caused. Back to Eunice)

“…& Just when we’d thought we’d been teased enough, Bbale and his signature gray hair appears (as if Larry King style) reading the ‘Breaking News’…some shit abt Navio blah blah I wasnt really listening,U see.At that point, I was sold.”

There was also a performance of Hustler’s Night, one of the “illest” “posse cuts” in recent hip hop if you will allow some jargon. That means when they get more than three rappers together to sing a song. It’s called a posse cut. Hustlers Night is one of the finest of recent times. That’s why they say it is ill.

For more, we go to rapper Enygma:

“Hustler’s Night! Prior to that song, there was only Navio on stage, so Hustler’s Night introduced other rappers for the first time. So we did something clever on that song which worked very well, an artist would only come on stage when their verse was starting. So there would be a wild cheer just before Mith and Keko in particular, kicked off their verses!”

Enygma is popularly known as… wait. Nobody knows who he is. He raps with a mask on.

But what about the morals of society? I mean, it IS a rap concert. We tried to get in touch with an actual Klear Kut member.

Baz: Yo, Mith, Was there mob groupie love? Were the women screaming ‘oh Mith gimme babies’? This is part of an interview for urban legend by the way. (Sent via Facebook Mobile)

Tom The-Mith Mayanja 30 January at 16:54 Report : “Hahaha.. Interview?! No Comment:-)”

But before I conclude, we would like to leave you with the point of view of the people who left early having decided that si ku the sound quality being poor, the stage being kind of small, Amani not singing properly when she curtain -aised, and other complaints, nti eh, our 40k zikomedde wano. They said that they are not attending rap concerts again if this is what a good rap concert is.

Reminded me of the definitive last word in rap concerts. It was delivered by Steve Harvey. “We can’t understand what just one of y’all is saying, so how they gonna have fifteen of y’all on stage and give everybody a mic?” Well, when you get ears that can hear with an accent you will understand.

Okay, spot, for me I was at a wedding… in Entebbe. As if it was not bad enough that I was all the way that side where I couldn’t hear Navio with his song celebrating phallanges, the Chilli Gals graced us with their presence. Not content with just being musicians, they attempted to MC as well, but anyway, that’s a story for some other time. You are here for Navio…

Thankfully, Mesach Ssemakula didn’t perform. Going by the way he keeps turning up in videos (mostly his) dressed in hip hop, you would half expect him to be there. The fact of the matter is Ssi gwe ansimira is not the Luganda equivalent of 50 Cent’s ‘ I Know You Don’t Love Me’.

Anyway, I am going to assume that the place was crowded and had gates, so, quite naturally, the gates opened to the long line of revellers. These included girls that really just wanted to touch Navio and a few suddenly regretting their response to that chap wearing solar panels and speaking like his tongue was massaging his Adam’s Apple when he asked whether they liked ‘ngalo’.

There was no rain and Kampala girls figured this meant it was okay to wear just belts and handkerchiefs.

I’ve also been informed that R.Kelly came on screen and gave Navio his endorsement. This back patting, which, at 30 seconds or so,went on for longer than his concert had Bidandi Ssali pull Navio aside and telling him, “at least you, me the artist I was hoping to give me akalango foxed and went after the guy that paid for his music video. Raising a Bebe …!”

There were some guest artists, but no Keri Hilson…or Chilli Gals.