Minister for blocking out social media

Since blocking social media channels is now a thing, we also need a minister to preside over this important matter. We don’t want to buy our weekly bundles and then, just like that, you hear social media blocked. We work hard for the money to buy MBs so they can’t just go to waste like that. Also, the minister should sensitize the nation about VPNs. What are these things? Where do we find them? Why do the people who use them think they are geniuses? Will you be charged with treason if found in possession of one? These are critical questions requiring a knowledgeable response from a minister.

Ministry of Traffic Jam

It’s about time we realize traffic jams as a crucial constituency within this country. Everyone has been in that traffic jam where they say ayayayaya…kika!!. The kind where the taxi driver gets out of the taxi and goes to eat some katogo at a kafunda while the conductor yawns in the taxi. The ideal minister should be a taxi driver and a conductor to be a minister of state. They could introduce popular measures to reduce the stress and burden of traffic jams. For example, how about hiring Sheebah to sing during the jams, she can roll around on the cars while singing nkwaatako and then it rains, so she gets soaked  and you can see….wait, where was I?  Yes, entertainment during traffic jams.

Minister for youth unemployment

This thing of youth unemployment is everywhere yet it is not represented at the highest levels of government. We need a minister to develop policy and strategy for the unemployed youth to engage in unemployment activities. What are unemployment activities, you ask? Ask Al Hajji Nadduli, I feel he would have the right answer for you.

Ministry for Besigye detention and prosecution

This is surely overdue, the resources and effort required to keep Besigye in check should be consolidated and a ministry created for efficiency. It is a critical effort and therefore should be given the effort it deserves. These ministerial duties should include but not limited to the following, checking when Besigye wakes up, checking whether he brushes his teeth in the morning, finding out whether he prefers tea or porridge for the breakfast, how does he maintain that long distance relationship with Winnie? critically examining how many times he goes to the toilet (if it is more than five times, that would be weird). A report of these and other activities must be compiled and examined daily.

Presidential adviser on Stella Nyanzi affairs

You never know what Stella Nyanzi is going to do or post on her Facebook page so it is imperative that the president is kept aware of Stella`s affairs. One day it could cause a rebellion in this country and the president wouldn’t even know.

Minister for Ludo Affairs

You know, just for just.